The Tao te Twinkie

• Ask not what your Twinkie has done for you, but ask what you can do for your Twinkie. - not John F. Kennedy, Jr.

• Count your age with Twinkies but not with years.

• The Twinkie that can be consumed is not the eternal twinkie.

• Twinkies are more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while Twinkies embrace the entire world. - not Albert Einstein

• Twinkies are like sex: when they're good, they're very, very good; and when they're bad, it is better than nothing.

• Every Twinkie is great when greatly pursued. - not Oliver Wendell Holmes

• Friends may come and go, but Twinkies accumulate. - not Thomas Jones

• There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Twinkie is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - not Douglas Adams

• Twinkies incline wits to sophistry and affectation - not Francis Bacon

• Hate makes the heart grow cold. Twinkies just make a mess.

• Don't worry about people stealing your Twinkies. If your Twinkies are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. - not Howard Aiken

• Some are born great, some achieve greatness, other have Twinkies thrust upon them. - not William Shakespeare

• I regret that I have but one Twinkie to give for my country. - not John Paul Jones

• These are not the Twinkies you're looking for. - not Obi Wan Kenobi

• That's one small step for man. One giant Twinkie for mankind. - not Neil Armstrong

• "Hey! Hey! We're the Twinkies!" - not a hit by the Monkees

• Twinkies are not only stranger than we imagine, they are stranger than we can imagine. - not Poul Anderson

• Any Twinkies, sufficiently advanced, are indistinguishable from magic. - not Robert Heinlein

• We will serve no Twinkie before its time. - not Ernest & Julio Gallo

• "This is the real weepy and right tragic part of the story beginning, oh my Twinkies and only friends..." - not from A Clockwork Orange

• Soylent Green is Twinkies! - not from Soylent Green

• That's not a Twinkie. *This* is a Twinkie. - not Crocodile Dundee

• A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a Twinkie for? - not Robert Browning.

• Is that a Twinkie in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? - not Mae West

• It was the best of Twinkies, it was the worst of Twinkies... - not A Tale of Two Twinkies, not by Charles Dickens

• How do I taste thee? Let me count the ways.
  I taste thee to the depth and breadth and height
  Of thy golden cake, and filling so white
  For the ends are round and soft
  I taste thee in the sponginess of everyone's
  Most quiet bite, by sun and candle-light.
  I taste thee freely, from the left to the right;
  I taste thee purely, from want not need
  I taste thee with the passion dipped in mead
  With my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
  I love thee with a hunger I seemed to lose
  With each passing bite, I love thee with the breath,
  Lips, tongue, of all my life! and, if God choose,
  I shall but love thee better with chocolate mousse.
  - definately not Elizabeth Barrett Browning

• It is by sponge cake alone that I send my mind in motion;
  It is by the cream filing that my thoughts aquire speed;
  The fingers aquire stickiness, the stickiness becomes a warning;
  It is by sponge cake alone that I set my mind in motion.
  - not the Bene Geserit from Dune

• "My God...It's full of Twinkies!" - not David Bowman

• When life hands you golden sponge cake and cream filling, make Twinkies.

• For every Twinkie, there is an equal and opposite Ho-Ho. - not Sir Isaac Newton

Note: Some of these are original, others were created by various members of the newsgroup alt.faires.renaissance. So I'll take some of the blame, but not all. On the other hand, I did start the thread, so there you go.

Let me know what you think, go to my writings page, or go back to my personal home page.

Last updated 23 June 2000.