But Al Sore,
Who lived North of Florida
Did NOT!
Al Sore hated elections! The whole election season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
I could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his loafers were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small,
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his loafers,
He stood there on Election Eve, hating the Voters,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Sore-y frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Floridian in the state beneath
Was busy now, declaring a voter's belief.
"And they're punching their ballots!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is the election! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Sore fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop the Push win from coming!"
For,
Tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Floridian GOP-ers
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their papers!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's the one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!! NOISE!
Then the Floridians, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Florida oranges and roast beast,
Which was something that Sore couldn't stand in the least.
And THEN
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Every voter in Florida, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with victory bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the victors would start singing.
They'd sing! And they'd sing! AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more Al Sore thought of this Push Winning-Sing,
The more Al Sore thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
Why, for fifty-three weeks I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop this Push-Win from coming!
But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
AL SORE
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“"I know just what to do!" Al Sore laughed in a snoot.
And he made a presidential- type-jogging suit.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Sore-y trick!"
"With this Clinton type suit, I look real legit!"
THEN
He loaded some bags
With some bottles of Bailey's
And he gathered his henchmen
Headed up by Ole Daly.
Then Al Sore cried, "Unfair!"
And the courts started winking
In the state where the voters
Had not even an inkling.
"All I need is a recount...
Al Sore looked around
But, since recounts are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop Al Sore..?
No! Al Sore simply said,
"If I can't find a recount, I'll invent one instead!"
So he called his dog Daly. Then he took some old fools.
And swayed the election with ever-changing rules.
All the windows were dark. Little chads filled the air.
All the voters were dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first Florida precinct down there,
"This is stop number one", the Sore-y Group Hissed.
And they counted the ballots, hanging chads in their fists.
Then Sore slimed in the courtroom. A rather tight score.
But, if Clinton could do it, then so could Al Gore.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out as if he's on cue
And said, butterfly ballots all hung in a row.
"These Buchannan votes," he grinned "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most disarming,
Around the whole state, and he looked very charming!
Bad chads, dimpled chads, pregnant chads, Sums
Overseas balloting, postmarks, and TUMS.
And he stacked them in piles. Then the Sore Group, quite sneakily
Ate all the chads, one by one, oh so cheekily!
Then Sore slunk to the lock-box. He took the winner's feast.
He took Florida oranges. He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out the ballot box as quick as a flash.
Why that Sore even took their last hope of a chance.
Then he stuffed all the boxes with Sore votes with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Al Sore, "I will vote for me.!"
And the Dems grabbed the piles, and they started to shove
When they heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
They turned around fast, and saw some protesters
Who stormed into the room to confront those court jesters.
Al Sore had been caught by this small group of GOP-ers
Who'd got out of bed to put on the stoppers.
They stared at Al Sore and said, "Mr. VP, why,
Why are you taking our Push ballots , WHY?"
But, you know, that old Sore was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my dear USA", the fake Sore lied,
"There's a chad on this ballot that still inside,
So I'm taking it up to a secret room, my dears
I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the counters. Then he patted their heads
And he got them a drink and sent them to bed.
And when the canvassers went to bed with their cups
HE went to the boxes and stuffed them full up!
Then the last thing he fixed
Was the criminal vote!
Then he went to the courts, himself, the old goat.
In their counties he left nothing but questions and notes.
And the one speck of reason
That he left in the state
Was a crumb that was even too small to rate.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Florida counties
Leaving questions
Far too many
Please call in the Mounties!
It was a quarter past November...
All the voters still wondering
All the votes, still unheard
When the rhetoric was thundering,
Thundering with words! Disenfranchised! Disallowed! Discontented! Disavowed!
Nine hundred votes down. Then Dade County wants to quit
Al Sore goes to court to make them take the bit.
"Pooh-Pooh to the voters!" he was Sore-ily humming.
"They're finding out now that a Sore win is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then the voters in Florida will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned Al Sore,
"That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And Al Sore put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the state.
It started in low. Then it started to grow…..
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Florida
Al Sore popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Voter in Florida, the tall and the small,
Was chanting! Without any victory at all.
And Al Sore, with his Sore heart, ice cold in the state
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"They came without power! They came in so mad!
They came without media, reclaiming their chads."
And he puzzled three hours till his puzzler was sore.
Then Al Sore thought of something he hadn't before!
Maybe elections he thought, don't come from a store.
Maybe Elections, perhaps...means a bit more!
He HADN'T stopped the Push win from coming
IT Came!
Somehow or other it came just the same.
And what happened then ...?
Well....in Florida they say
That Al Sore's heart was broken that day.
But he couldn't realize the election had ended,
He filed lawsuits, though he could not succeed
To be presidential, Sore simply pretended
The Florida election, he refused to concede.
Page maintained by David Bedno (drseuss@seuss.org).