One day I layed out from school,
Sick and stuck in bed,
The worst headache of my life
Was pounding in my head.
My dad came in
Asked how I was feeling,
And if anything could be done,
While at my bedside he was kneeling.
Well, I wanted a story,
But his were always so deep
I knew in a minute
I'd soon be asleep.
He said he would do it,
But couldn't think of one off-hand.
So he asked me what kind
Would fit my demand.
"Well, I've always wondered,"
I said with a cough,
"What happened in those stories
When Dr. Seuss left off."
He cleared his throat
And proceeded to say,
"If you always have wondered
You'll find out today."
First, came the Grinch's story.
How Santa forgot where he did live.
And his three sizes grown heart
Fell right through a sieve.
And it shrank back down
It had to have been four
Sizes at least,
But it might have been more.
And it wasn't just that year
He stole the Who's christmas fun.
Christmas hasn't come
There since 1961.
Then he told about the kids
Who once hopped on pop,
You see, they cracked his rib
And had to stop.
Next came the story
Of poor Daisy-Head Maisy,
Who when it came to her plant care
Got increasingly lazy.
She forgot to spray for bugs,
And got every kind
Of plant parasite
You could think in your mind.
She got so sick
It brought her to her knees
He thought she'd even once had
Dutch elm's disease.
And her boyfriend cheated on her
With Sally McPhipps.
When he should have had Daisy,
He was kissing her two lips.
Then the poor man
Who ate the red fish, one fish, two fish.
There were so many toxins in that meal,
You better believe that guy blew fish.
Scrambled egg super
Became popular in France.
And the wocket in my pocket
Put a hole in my pants.
And Horton who hatched the egg
Was another bad thing.
You see, those elephant birds
Simply could not sing.
And they arose in such numbers,
There were so many herds,
The skies were just filled
With those elephant birds.
And you had to be careful
When you looked to the skies,
'Cause you didn't want in your face
What could fall from those guys.
People were so mad at them
They'd kill them for no reason.
Now you can only hunt them
During elephant bird season.
Thidwick the big-hearted moose
You see,
Was taken in by a cult
In Mississippi.
Now he's Brother Thidwick
In charge of picking up rubble.
That big heart of his
Got him in so much trouble.
Gerald McBoing-Boing
Had a cheerful story though.
He won a best name contest
In a county fair show.
Mr. Brown
Won a mooing contest,
But what happenned to the fox in socks
Was the best.
He became a sock model,
And his look is so keen
I've got hunches in bunches
He's going to be seen.
And the Lorax wrote a book,
We've got it on our shelf,
Called "How To Regrow
A Whole Forest Yourself."
He went on a crusade
To stop deforestation,
And, of course, he specialized
In tree re-generation.
Then the guy who saw
Old Mulberry Street.
They put him in a straight jacket,
And that wasn't too neat.
They said he was crazy
When he told what he saw.
Even his rubberroom mates
Would listen and guffaw.
And the fellow who said,
"If I ran the zoo."
Finally got his wish,
But didn't know what to do.
The lions got loose
And so did the bears.
People'd come in threes
And leave in pairs.
Hundreds threatened,
And dozens did sue.
Everything went wrong
At that poorly run zoo.
Poor Bartholmomew Cubbins'
Hats were gone in a flash,
When a huge swarm of moths
Hit the entire stash.
In a second they'd eaten
To the five hundreth hat.
It's a pity insurance
Won't cover things like that.
A man was finally happy
About being old.
You're only old once,
Or so he was told.
Trying to lick
Thirty tigers today
Got one boy arrested
And sent to prison straightway.
Now he resides
In a place called San Quentin
With the Sneetches, the Oobleck
And President Clinton.
And when Marvin K. Mooney
Left where he stood,
The consequences there
Were not at all good.
He went into the road,
And was hit by a bus.
If only the narrator
Had not made him rush.
Saying, "Will you please go now!"
Led him to his attack.
Too bad no one on the curb
Yelled, "Marvin, please step back!"
And guess who was driving
The bus during that
Why, it was none other
Than the Cat in the Hat.
The same Cat in the Hat
Who got those kids in such trouble,
They were sent to boarding school
Right on the double.
You see, Thing 1 and Thing 2
Had eaten all the food,
The fish finally tattled
About them being so rude.
Now the Cat sits on the sidewalk
Wanting you to throw coins in
To his red and white hat
Now so worn out and thin.
And when you lie in the gutter
Of a busy city street
Oh, how many
Feet you meet.
Thing 1 and Thing 2
Had a bad case also
They got in a fight
And their seperate ways they did go.
Now Thing 1's in New York
And Thing 2's in L.A.
Or maybe vice versa
Who's who's still hard to say.
McElligot's pool
Dried up and then
The poor man's income
Got incredibly thin.
And when they took the crown
From King Yertle's head
Oh, say can you say
The things that that turtle said.
The king's stilts, I am
Sorry to say
Were destroyed by termites,
Eaten completely away.
And that fellow who ate
The green eggs and ham
Died of food poisoning,
And as for Sam-I-Am.
They sent him to the big house
On a murder charge, you see.
Showed the whole trial.
Right there on t.v.
My dad told each of those
With a smile on his face,
And each one he told
Made my pulse race.
But he calmed me down,
Told me not to worry.
He made sure I knew
Each was merely a story.
When he left the room
I commenced snoring
Thankful that for once
His story wasn't boring.
Page maintained by David Bedno (drseuss@seuss.org).